Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
