i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
