carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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