a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
