i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if only i could text you this smell
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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