Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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