I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
