Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
