i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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