He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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