I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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