Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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