I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
