I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
