At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
