i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
