so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize