i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
