Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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