ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
