AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize