Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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