evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
