scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
