All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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