No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize