Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
