Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
