Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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