What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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