hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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