i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
