i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
