The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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