There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
