you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
