I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
