I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
