no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
