I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
