Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
