I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
