Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
