I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
