I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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