I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
