Whod you bang
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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