go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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