it hurts more in the daytime
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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