He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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