never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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