don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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