Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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