The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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