Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what day is it and did you see me today?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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