y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
