Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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