oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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