this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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