Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
