Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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