If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
