2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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