dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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