need another drink. this is the easiest way
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
