Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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