and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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