you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
