4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
