Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
