You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
