evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
